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User blog:Clockboxxer/Bubsy VS Conker
Interlude Clockworx: Ah...cartoony platformers. We're all familiar with them. And some greats especially like Mario, Crash Bandicoot, Spyro, Banjo etc. However, not all of them quite made the cut into the Gaming Hall of Fame. Like Bubsy, the wild pun fueled bobcat. Astral: Others like to throw away the kiddie garbage and grow a pair. Like Conker, the violent potty mouthed squirrel. These two have the desire to very often break the fourth wall. Something worth mentioning... *a random finger taps Astral on the shoulder Astral: EEEE! Nok: Sorry to bother you, but... Astral: JESUS WHY ARE YOU BACK HERE AND NEVER DO THAT AGAIN Thrash: It's the 4 of us. Agaaaiiiinnnn. Fun! Astral: Ah, I remember you, asshole! Thrash: Screw off, ya cunt. Clockworx: Jeez, months and you 2 still haven't calmed down? Why are you here anyway? MORE bad scheduling? Nok: No. It's a requirement as of now. Astral: Why's that? Nok: Well, apparently- Thrash: Apparently if only 2 of us handled both characters we would go insane. Or something. Astral: Imagine that wouldn't work on you, you're already insane. Thrash: Oi! Clockworx: Astral, quit starting shit. Nok: Anyway! Thrash and I have been assigned to analyze Conker while you two analyze Bubsy. Astral: YES! After seeing Conker bug the narrator/writer, I'm glad he's not our job. Clockworx: Astral...we have BUBSY. Astral: Oh fuck. Thrash: Ha! Have fun with that! Toodles! Nok: Farewell for now. *Nok and Thrash go over to their own booth Astral: Well...time to get this show on the road, I guess. Clockworx: Well then. It's our job to analyze their abilities, physicality and tactics to decide who would take the cake in a DEATH BATTLE. Bubsy Astral: Christ. Just the name "Bubsy" sounds less than optimal. Clockworx: Oh, suck it up. We got a job to do. Ahem...a distant planet by the name of Rayon housed the evil aliens known as "Woolies". Astral: You'll find out just how subtle and creative that name is in a second. Clockworx: These aliens plotted to steal all of the Earth's wool. Like yarn balls. Astral: There you go. Clockworx: However, they would soon find out a mysterious orange bipedal orange bobcat was in possession of a lot of wool. Naturally. Astral: This was, of course, Bubsy. They actually accidentally sucked him up in the process of sucking up all the wool. But then they booted him to the curb. Clockworx: So then it was all up to Bubsy to save the world's supply of yarn. Astral: Supposedly. Definitely! Astral: What the fu- Woah there, tiger! Language! ' ' ''' Clockworx: I expected this. Bubsy has officially invaded our booth. With his fourth wall breaking expertise, it was inevitable. Astral: NOOOOOOO! '''Yeesh, someone get him a ball of yarn. Or more readers. Astral: I'll punch you. Clockworx: Leave him be. Who knows, he might be able to help with the analysis. Astral: Ugh....FINE. Well, who WOULD know more about Bubsy than the bobcat himself, right? Astral: Sure, sure. Anyway, if he was going to be battling the Woolies and their sinister queens, Poly and Ester, he was- '-going to need a purrticularly good set of skills?' Astral: ... Clockworx: Moving on from that, yes, he'd need to be formidable. And formidable he was. With superhuman physicality and a few abilities, he has defeated the Woolies time and time again. Being a bobcat, he possesses retractable sharp claws that go hand in hand with his impressive agility allowing him to claw opponents down. Astral: And like any normal cat, he has a Pounce move where he launches his entire body at the enemy. This attack is strong enough to destroy large walls of stone. You bet! There's not many things that I enjoy more than slamming into an unlucky Woolie. Clockworx: Bubsy has great speed, good jumping ability and can...glide. Seriously. Arms outstretched. Soaring on the air. Astral: Ridiculous! Now you're just messing with m-AH WHAT THE HELL?! Clockworx: Your eyes are not playing any tricks whatsoever. Somehow, Bubsy can catch air under his arms to glide. Astral: UGFUDXJDKSOHDIJD How am I able to glide, you ask? I dunno! I just do it! It's useful for a little extra height on jumps and allows me to make large falls safely. ''' Astral: Nonsensical abilities bobcats can't do aside, an understandable one is Bubsy's impressive climbing skills. Clockworx: All in all, Bubsy's natural abilities are quite impressive. However there is something to be said for his wide array of powerups, weapons and abilities. '''Yeah, like my Nerf Ballzooka! This baby can shoot big orange balls to concuss anoyone in my bath! (sponsored by NERF themselves) Astral: The stench of product placement is unbearable... Woah, it's not product placement. It's ''publicity.'' Category:Blog posts